Tis the season... for cookies!

Happy holidays everyone! With tree decorating and Nat King Cole playing in the background, it is officially Christmas season (however unreflected that is in my shopping list!). In honor of the season I thought it my duty to bake some cookies. So I set out in search of Christmas cookies. I found some recipes I had tried before, but kept looking for something more novel. Finally, I settled on this recipe from Fed & Fit. They looked like a hearty and delicious cookie that would fit the snowy day we're having here in New England.  Because I don't currently eat chocolate, I replaced the chocolate chips with raisins, which turned out well. However, I did find that before I even baked them, the cookies were a bit chewy. After baking, they came out even more tough. Any suggestions? Was it because I replaced the chocolate with raisins? Please reply in the comments section if you have an idea. I would also recommend shortening the cooking time with the raisins down to 10-12 minutes. So, here's what I ended up with: 

Raisin Walnut Cookies
3 cups sifted almond flour
1 cup raisins
1 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 tsp Kosher salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/3 cup honey
2 Tbsp. Virgin Coconut Oil, melted
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 egg

Mix dry ingredients in a bowl, then in a separate bowl melt the coconut oil. Add the honey, egg, and vanilla and whisk together. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and bake at 350 F for 10-12 minutes. I baked them on a Silpat sheet liner, but parchment paper would work as well. 

Serve up with a cold glass of almond milk and enjoy!

* * *

Merry Christmas to all! 

All things pumpkin!

Hi all! Here in Maine it officially feels like winter. Though we had a blissful 60 degree day last weekend, the temperature in the morning has been hovering around 30 degrees. So, it's time to heat up those ovens for some tasty fall treats. This week, it has been all things pumpkin for me. I found a local farm that had pie pumpkins (after my local grocer laughed at me when I asked if he had any), so I went to work roasting and scooping. From the one pumpkin I have thus far made:

• Coconut Pumpkin smoothie: such a yummy way to start off the day (recipe below)

• Pumpkin muffins: a trusty mid-morning go-to, especially toasted with a touch of butter (recipe below)

• Pumpkin cookies: a treat from our friend over at All Against Grain

• "Pepitas" (pumpkin seeds): another All Against Grain creation, though I may try mine just salted with my next pumpkin (oh yes, more to come!)

• Pumpkin Bread: a new recipe for me, adapted from an scdrecipe.com banana bread recipe.

• Pumpkin doughnuts: Brilliant concoction from the All Against Grain new cookbook. If there is one recipe that convinces you to buy her cookbook, this one should be it. Check it out on her site! Her photos are much more appealing, but here is how mine came out. 
 

Coconut Pumpkin Smoothie
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 banana
1/4 c. pumpkin
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon each of: ginger, nutmeg, and cloves

1) Blend all ingredients together in blender. Add ice before blending if desired.

Note: To help with my J-Pouch, I melt about 1 Tbs. coconut oil and add that in as well. It does wonders for me!



Pumpkin muffins
2 1/2 cups almond flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. each nutmeg, allspice, cloves, and ginger
1/4 c. honey
1 Tbsp pure vanilla extract
3 large eggs
1 cup of fresh pumpkin (squeezed to remove excess water)

1) Preheat oven to 325 degrees F and line muffin tin with baking cups.

2) Mix the dry ingredients and in a separate bowl mix wet ingredients (except the pumpkin). 

3) Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet, whisking together until smooth. 

4) Add the pumpkin to the mixture and mix until smooth. 

5) Fill muffin cups about 2/3 full and bake 25-30 minutes. Muffins should be golden brown on top when done. 

These are especially enjoyed toasted!



Pumpkin Bread
2 1/2 cups almond flour
1 Tbsp coconut flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/3 c. honey
3 eggs
1 cup of pumpkin (with excess water squeezed out)

1) Heat oven to 350 degrees F (180 C). Line a bread loaf pan with parchment paper (or you can use coconut oil to grease it, but make sure it is well greased!)

2) Mix dry ingredients and sift together. 

3) Mix wet ingredients in separate bowl, beating eggs by hand before adding the other ingredients. 

4) Blend dry ingredients into the wet ingredients using a stand mixer or hand mixer (I have only used the hand mixer as our apartment is too small for a stand mixer!).

5) Pour mixture into bread pan and cover with tinfoil. 

6) Bake bread for 20 minutes covered, then remove the tinfoil and bake for another 40-45 minutes with it uncovered. A toothpick should come out clean when it is baked fully. 

Another great recipe to toast up!   

What pumpkin treats are you whipping up this fall? 
Please share in the comments below! 

Fall feast

It is that wonderful time of the year: harvest time. Summer fruits and vegetables give way to autumn's bounty: squash, pumpkin, apples, and pears. Oh my! New England boasts a beautiful fall and these  recipes make use of fall's produce (all local) to put together a fall feast. Here is the menu:

• Roasted squash soup
• Baked pork chops with apples
• Apple pie

Roasted Squash Soup

I have made this soup many times, but with a few tweaks this year it turned out fantastic. I upped the onion and garlic that I normally put in and also added some homemade chicken broth. For those of you following SCD, please check out this site about how to make homemade chicken broth over at Mrs. Ed's site.


Ingredients

1 butternut squash, cut lengthwise
1 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
4 garlic gloves
½ tsp salt
½ tsp oregano
½ tsp basil
½ tsp black pepper
½ tsp cinnamon
3 cups water
1 cup chicken broth
4 Tbsp honey


Steps
Preheat oven to 375.

Place the 3 squash halves cut-side down in a casserole dish.

Pour in enough water to cover the bottom of the dish.

Bake 45-60 minutes or until squash pieces feel a bit soft when you press on them.

Remove the squash from oven. When cool enough to handle, remove and discard seeds.

Scoop out the squash and set aside.

In a large pot over medium heat, melt the butter with the oil. Add the onion and cook for about 5 minutes until the onion is translucent. Add the garlic.

Add the squash, salt, oregano, basil, pepper, cinnamon, and water, and simmer for 20 minutes on medium heat with the lid of the pot ajar. Stir occasionally.

Remove the lid from the pot and cook for 8 to 10 more minutes.

Add the honey and mix well.

Cool for 10 minutes. Purée until smooth.

**You may want to add more water to taste. Also, try whipping a batch of these dinner rolls from All Against Grain. Delicious! Isn't she amazing?!

Baked Pork Chops with Apples

I don't follow an exact recipe for this dish, so I don't know where I originally found it. There are many out on the web, but here is our version that we're serving up tonight with some faux-rice and green beans. 

Ingredients

3-4 pork chops 

cinnamon

salt

pepper

1/2 medium onion

4 medium apples 

olive oil

Preheat oven to 350. 

Pour salt, pepper, and cinnamon on a flat plate to taste. Mix with a fork then press pork chops into mixture. Lay into baking dish. 

Dice 4 apples and onion into 1" each pieces.  Put into a bowl and pour about 1 tsp of olive oil over the apples. Then sprinkle salt, pepper, and cinnamon over the apples. Mix to coat the apples. Place them around and over the pork in the baking dish. 

Cook for 30 minutes.

Apple Pie

There is something so comforting about apple pie. The smell of it in the oven brings back memories from being in my grandmother's kitchen at Thanksgiving. Though Gram has passed on, my sister carries on the tradition of making a killer apple pie each year. Though this recipe cannot hold a candle to my sister's baking, it hit the spot for me! Try it warmed with some of All Against Grain's french vanilla coconut ice cream.

Ingredients

Crust 

• 2 1/2 cups almond flour 
• 1 Tbs. coconut flour
• 2 Tbs. coconut oil
• 1 egg
• 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda

Filling from Ancestral Chef

• 5 medium-sized apples, peeled and diced (granny smith or honeycrisp)
• 4 tablespoons coconut oil
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1 tablespoon coconut flour
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon cloves
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1) Preheat oven to 350.

2) To mix the crust, mix dry ingredients and sift together. Then add the coconut oil (not melted worked for me) and egg and work it into the dry mix. Combine until it forms a ball.

3) Roll out the crust between two sheets of parchment paper. Place half of it in pie plate and cook in the oven for 10-12 minutes or until browned. Leave the other half cooling in the fridge for the top of the pie.

3)  For the filling, melt the coconut oil in a pot over medium.

4) Add the honey and stir together. Then add the apples and spices. Stir the mixture to cover the apples with the oil, honey and spices.

5) Add in the coconut flour and mix well.

6) Add the vanilla extract and turn off the heat. Leave it to cool for 10 minutes.

7) Once filling has cooled, add to crust and then cover with the leftover crust from the fridge. If you want to make it look cool, use a fork to crimp the edges together. Make sure that they are sealed first, or some of the filling may leak out.

8) Bake for 25 minutes.

Enjoy! And give thanks for all the delicious foods that autumn brings to our bellies!

A realization, a new direction

So it has been over a year since I last posted. I know, shame on me. Yet as I sat here planning out our family vacation menu, I had a realization. As much as I would like it to, this blog will never contain hundreds of recipes that I have created. You see, I LOVE to cook. But, I am not the type of cook who can brilliantly marry foods together to create delicious dishes. No, I would describe myself more as a borrower. If you're reading this blog hoping to discover newly minted recipes, you will be disappointed. Because during my sabbatical from blogging, I have realized that instead, this site will serve to pull a full meal together, by organizing the recipes that I use from various websites, blogs, and cookbooks in order to create a full meal. When I cook, sometimes I feel as though my two open cookbooks and my iPad with a recipe from a website take up more of my counter space than the actual meal prep. I hope to eliminate that problem with this blog.  All recipes, of course, fall under the umbrella of the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. So if you too lack the creative genius (or time!) like myself, please allow me to assist you in creating delicious, SCD-safe meals. Hope to see you back soon!

Perspective

This afternoon, as I was finishing up lunch, I had a bit of a sweet craving. My go to is a spoonful of peanut butter with some honey drizzled on top (I'm convinced there does not exist a more satisfying sweet snack), but feeling a bit full I went for some raisins instead. As I reached for the bag, I had to laugh that my after meal sweet snack is something as healthy as raisins. Which then led me to have the thought, "I wonder how different my life would be if I had never gotten so ill with Crohn's." The most obvious answer to that is that I would still have a colon. There are other differences too: I would be able to run without the use of codeine, I could eat whatever I want (not sure that's better but it is different), I wouldn't know the location of every bathroom in every city I've been to, and I would probably be able to sleep through the night. Yet as I munched on my raisins,  I was reminded that there is another way that my life is different that far outranks any other: I am married to my husband. While I won't take the time here to tell that long story, I will say that my illness continues to refine me, grow me up, and help shape me into a stronger, wiser, more patient person (on my good days that is). And though my husband and I dated two other times before I got sick (B.C.... before Crohn's) - once in high school and once in college - it wasn't until A.C. (after Crohn's) that we realized that we had grown into two people who undoubtedly wanted to share their life together. I wouldn't necessarily say that I have a reason for all the sickness, the surgeries, the loss of my hair, the loss of a third of my body weight, but I will say that I wouldn't want my life any other way. Because my husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me and continues to be the most important thing in my life. He gives me strength, he gives me perspective, and he continues to hope for me when things are tough. Which for the last couple months, things have been tough. Yet he never waivers in his optimism and his belief that we'll get through this. And he's always right. With him, I am convinced that we can endure anything. As we do, I know we grow stronger. But more importantly, I know that we grow stronger together. And that is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.

Cereal!

So one of the few cravings that has endured since becoming a SCDer, is the lack of a good cereal substitutes. Last week, I finally found an adequate equivalent. Part of the problem was that there are few things allowed on SCD that could take the place of the crunchy grains used in most cereals. But, with the help of an absolutely delicious SCD granola I found through Digestive Wellness, which I had been using on my yogurt, I was on my way to a crunchy and delicious SCD cereal.  I had never thought to use the granola as a cereal, mostly because I never had a substitute for milk. I had been meaning to make almond milk for a long time, but had never gotten around to it. My first attempt occurred last week, since I was off from school for the holidays. It is a bit of a laborious process, but with a good food processor, not as difficult as I had expected. The recipe I used for almond milk was from the website www.ohnuts.com. Here it is:

Almond Milk Recipe
yield: about 5 cups almond milk

• 1.5 cups whole blanched almonds or other whole raw almonds
• 4 cups water
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1.5 tbsp maple syrup or honey
• dash cinnamon

Other equipment:

• Blender
• metal strainer
• cheesecloth

Not sure I got 5 cups of milk out of it, but close to it. But I digress. Back to the cereal portion of this post. Once I had my almond milk (you will want to chill it before serving), I poured it over my granola, added some sliced almonds, a dash of cinnamon, raisins, and a drizzle of honey and ... drum roll please.... ta da! Cereal. Delicious cereal. Oh how I've missed you.

Oh sweet SCD cereal!

Do you have cereal ideas for us SCDers? Please share!

White Bean chili a la SCD

Over the past month or so, I have been working on emptying our overflowing freezer. Two weeks ago, I found some cooked white beans that I had frozen a couple months ago. Our friends were serving chili at our community dinner, so I decided it might be a good time to try some white bean chili. With some improvising on the fly, it turned out pretty good. Unfortunately I did not write down the specific improvisations, but here's a close approximation. The original recipe came from myrecipes.com. 

Ingredients: 

1 medium onion

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 garlic cloves (I used SCD legal minced garlic from Spice World)

1 lb ground chicken

4 cups water

1-2 teaspoons salt (I'm a bit of a salt fiend)

2 teaspoons ground cumin

2 tablespoons chili powder (to taste)

1 teaspoon pepper

1 teaspoon oregano

2 cups white beans (cooked per Breaking the Vicious Cycle instructions)

1 cup homemade chicken broth

3 tablespoons lime juice

Preparation

• Sauté chopped onion in hot oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat 7 minutes; add garlic, and sauté 2 to 3 minutes.
• Stir in chicken, and cook, stirring constantly, until chicken is lightly browned. Stir in water and salt, cumin, chili powder, pepper, and oregano; reduce heat, and simmer, stirring often, 10 minutes or until chicken is done.
• Place beans into Dutch oven; bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat, and simmer, stirring often, 30 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Stir in lime juice just before serving. Garnish with cilanto, if desired.
• Top with freshly shredded Monterrey jack cheese. 
• Optional: I cooked some frozen corn on the side and added that to the non-SCDers bowls. I  served corn muffins and tortilla chips for them along with the chili. I had made some SCD muffins to go along with mine. Also, the recipe calls for 2 cans of green chiles (4.5 ounces each) but I omitted these as well just because I didn't have any legal ones on hand.

It's a great dish for the increasingly cold nights! 

Pizza Time!

Last night, I created a pizza which featured my leftover taco salad from the night before as toppings. As a helpless penny pincher, I love using leftovers like this. But I get ahead of myself. First, the crust. I borrowed the recipe from a great blog called: Heal, Balance, Live. The author, Karen, has a great post about a recipe for pizza crust which is delicious! For the first few years on the diet, I had been using the recipe from the Breaking the Vicious Cycle book, which was great, but Karen's recipe is even better. Then, I topped it with pizza sauce, Havarti cheese, and then my taco salad (black beans, Monterrey jack cheese, and homemade salsa). One note about the pizza sauce. A friend who works for a grocery chain, found this product. When he handed me the jar, he said: I dare you to find something illegal in there. I couldn't. It's called Bobby D's. I haven't had any symptoms from it, but make sure if you try it, you test it to see if it bothers you. Here is the recipe for the crust:

SCD Pizza Crust

2 c. almond flour
2 eggs
1/4 tsp. Italian Seasoning
1/8 tsp. garlic powder (optional)
pinch of salt
1/2 c. shredded Parmesan cheese
4 tsp. olive oil

Combine all ingredients together and let rest 5 minutes. Stir dough, it should be as thick as cookie dough, if it isn't add more almond flour a tablespoon at a time until it is. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (I tried to bake it without the parchment and ended up with a mess). Place half the dough in a mound on one half of the sheet and the rest of the dough in a mound on the other half. Cover with plastic wrap and using your hand or a small rolling pin push/roll the dough into a circle (mine were about 8 inches each). Bake in a 400 degree oven for 6-8 minutes or until barely brown. Add desired toppings and bake 5-10 more minutes until golden.

Note: I tried freezing some of these crusts and they turned out great. Just bake for the first 6 minutes then cool. Store in an airtight container. Remove and let thaw, then top and bake.

Harvest and Muffin time

It is officially fall. I walked out of school the other day and saw fallen leaves strewn about the parking lot and a cool air that only arrives with fall. Not to mention, all the doorstops have their token decorative pumpkins and mums. So, time to do a bit of fall cooking. It's harvest time, so there are lots of delicious vegetables and fruits to work with. Last week, we went apple picking. One of my favorite fall activities. I had hoped to make applesauce this week, but my apple corer/peeler/slice is sub par at best and so usually I'm left with only half of the apple. However, I'm all ready to go with my mason jars. Now I just need to get a canner.  I think one of these is essential to those of us following the SC Diet. Since we can't just go to the grocery store to pick up jams or sauces, being able to preserve our homemade items is essential. It's also a great idea to make items in bulk, like applesauce. Saves a lot of time in the long run.

Along with harvest foods, for me fall always works up an appetite for warmer foods. So this morning - inspired by an overripe banana sitting on my counter-  I made some banana muffins, following a recipe called "Yonana's Muffins." I can't remember exactly where I borrowed this recipe from (I am in no way a creative cook, I just like to follow the recipes and adapt), but I remember liking them the last time I made them. I believe it is an adaptation of the recipe in "Breaking the Viscous Cycle" book. Here's a picture of them looking halfway decent (I could use some tips on how to photograph food dishes).

But, here's the story: The recipe calls for an optional teaspoon of vanilla extract. I had just picked some up at the store, so I had to remove the safety lid. As I was doing so, I accidentally spilled some on my finger, which I licked off without thinking. Ugh! It had a very strong and unappealing taste.  But, I convinced myself that it was because it was a new brand and that the alcohol would cook off in the oven. After baking the muffins (see recipe below), I had to test one of course. Unfortunately, the extract taste was still quite strong. It was then that I realized I had bought almond extract, instead of vanilla. Oops! I have to admit, despite the strong almond flavor, I still ate two muffins toasted with butter.

Okay, so here's the recipe. Enjoy!

Dry ingredients:

* 3 cups almond flour

* 1/2 tsp. baking soda

* 1/8 tsp. salt

Wet ingredients:

* 3 large eggs

* 1 very ripe banana, mashed well

* 1/2 cup SCD rich yogurt (made from half and half)

* 1/2 cup honey

* optional: 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract (vanilla and alcohol only!)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Combine dry ingredients in one bowl.

3. In another bowl, combine wet ingredients.

4. Combine wet and dry mixes.

5. Fill paper muffin cups 2/3 full of batter.

6. Bake on center rack of oven for 25-30 minutes or until lightly golden brown.

7. Remove muffins from pan quickly or they will burn on the outside from the residual heat of the muffin pan.

Cool and store in refrigerator.

If you’d rather make a loaf than muffins, follow these steps:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

2. Perform steps 1-4 from above as in making muffins.

3. Prepare a 5 x 9 inch loaf pan by greasing or lining with parchment paper or your favorite method.

4. Pour batter into pan, place on center rack of oven and bake for about 70 minutes.

Important: Ovens vary in accuracy so for your first time baking a loaf, check it starting at 60 minutes and then every 5 or 10 minutes until it’s done. If you do this the first time, you’ll have the proper time for your oven.

My Story... Ya da ya da ya da

So, I didn't think I would be that person who starts off their blog by talking about themselves. I mean, really? Isn't that a bit narcissistic? However, upon further reflection, I realized that blogging is... well, intended to be a bit narcissistic. Hopefully though, eventually this blog will develop more into a helpful place for those struggling to navigate the rough waters of IBDs. For those of you fully-intact "gastrointestinal people" who are not familiar with what IBD stands for, it is this: Irritable Bowel Disease, such as Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis. The problem is, these two guys are not "pretty" diseases to talk about. It's not often that topics such as poop, diarrhea, and blow outs come up in everyday conversation (unless you're a mother or father of small children, in which case they might). So many people still don't know exactly what they are. Case in point: Crohn's and Ulcerative are not in any of the spell checkers in the various programs I use. Maybe someday. Until then, we IBDers (as I will from here after call ourselves) need to continue to develop awareness of our diseases, as well as support systems, which help us get through the bad days. Because there can be very bad days when you have IBD. Let me tell you a little about when my bad days started... 

I can still remember the date I was initially admitted to the hospital: September 14th, 2006. For me, Crohn's attacked my body quickly and severely. About a month earlier than my admittance date, I had started having to go to the bathroom a lot. And then a couple weeks later came the stomach pains. Never in my life have I felt such pain. It was crippling. Because I work as a teacher, I could not just leave a classroom full of middle school students. So the pain would become so unbearable that when I got a break, I would go into the bathroom, throw up, then lie in a ball on the floor. Not exactly a good sign. My doctor had prescribed me Asacol (for those of you Crohners out there, I'm sure that's a familiar starting place). This was a low-dose steroid that often helps mild forms of Crohn's. Even after a colonoscopy (lucky me! I didn't have to wait until I was 50 years old for my first one), my doctor diagnosed my case of Crohn's as mild to moderate. Two weeks later, he admitted me to the hospital. From September 14th until the week before Thanksgiving, I was in and out of the hospital - though mostly in. They tried everything, but not to much avail. My case got to the point where I landed in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for three days because my body had gone into shock. The colorectal surgeon was called in, but my GI (Gastroenterologist) held the surgeon at bay... for then anyway. They were afraid of my colon becoming so toxic that it would burst and send those toxins into my system. I'm sure I would have been more worried about it too if I'd had more energy or had been more with it. I don't remember much from those ICU days, just the cool clogs that my nurses had. Let me just pause a moment to give a shout out to ICU nurses. They are incredible. Best caregivers I had in all my time in and out of hospitals (well beside my mom of course, but we'll get to her later). Like I said in the title to this post, ya da ya da ya da (any Seinfeld fans out there?). Finally, the day came when a colorectal surgeon came to talk to me about the possibility of having my colon removed. This scared both me and my parents, and that conversation, along with some not so great experiences at the hospital, sent us down to Boston for a second opinion. That was the only time I have ridden in an ambulance. Too bad I wasn't really able to enjoy it. At that point, I was in such pain and had lost so much weight, that the jostling of the vehicle made things quite uncomfortable. I remember seeing the lights of the highway pass by.... whoosh..... whoosh.... whoosh. Let's just say that painkillers can do funny things to your perception of the world.

When we arrived in Boston, I had another colonoscopy. The same results: surgery recommended. So, within two to three days, I had my entire colon removed and was given scars, an ostomy bag, as well as a stoma. This meant that any stool would bypass my rectum (I told you it wasn't a pretty disease to talk about) and come out the side of my abdomen through what I nicknamed "Stella the Stoma" and into the plastic bag attached to me 24-7. Let's just say that Stella and I never became great friends. Actually, it was more the ostomy bag than Stella. My team of caregivers, including myself, my mom, my ostomy nurse, and my doctors never could find a successful way to make the ostomy bag stay adhered to my stomach. Just recently I found out that it is because my skin reacts to adhesives. Not a great thing when you need a bag to stick to you so you can "poop." Along with the adhesive problem, I never found clothes that really worked with the ostomy bag. Fortunately, I had the bag during the winter in Maine, so I just wore lots of layers, but I never found what the nurses had told me to be true: that you can wear your normal clothes after your surgery, and that the ostomy bag wouldn't affect your wardrobe. Thus, I entered the darkest part of my life. I wanted to die. Despite my doctors saying I had UC (Ulcerative Colitis) and that I would be able to have a reversal surgery which meant the end of Stella, my intuition told me otherwise. Which I knew if I was right about  having Crohn's, would mean no reversal surgery and the eternal presence of Stella attached to my side. Here are my memories from this time of my life: eating tomato soup and grilled with my then four-year old niece that my sister made for me; raising my hands in victory when I was able to walk to the mailbox and back; walking the mall with my dad (who would reward me - and himself- with some Cinnabon); filing endless amount of health inurance papers and medical bills; visits with my ostomy nurse who was at the end of her rope trying to get that bag to stick to me; the long process of trying to shower while keeping the ostomy bag dry; losing my hair; drinking shakes with Cod Liver oil; crying myself to sleep; crying on the couch; crying when I tried to walk into church for the first time so overwhelmed with the sight of people; crying. I felt I had lost myself to my disease and to this bag that never seemed to work for me. A once active athlete, I found that I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I wasn't strong enough to do anything but walk. I couldn't work. Just lots of time to think - not a great thing for those who are depressed. In the end, I never was able to fully accept my ostomy bag, we never made peace with each other. Maybe it is because I'm a rather petite person, or maybe because of the placement of the bag. Or maybe it was because the pathologist had diagnosed me as having Ulcerative Colitis rather than Crohn's which meant, that I could have an internal pouch surgery, which I wouldn't have been able to have if I had Crohn's. I clung to that hope like a lifepresever, despite my misgivings. 

So over the course of another year or so, I had two more operations which took part of my small intestine and formed a j-pouch, which would act as my substitute rectum. Even for some whose surgery goes perfectly, this procedure does not mean a return to normal bathroom habits. Actually, surgeons consider it a success when a j-pouch patient only goes bathroom (we're talking #2) four to six times a day. For me, I never got down to four to six times a day. For the next year, as I battled back from being a malnourished 84 pound waif, symptoms of Crohn's (which supposedly I didn't have) continued to plague me. I was going the bathroom 10-12 times a day, I had painful fistulas, and I couldn't gain weight, despite downing one or two shakes full of nutritional supplements and fats each day. Though I had returned to teaching, refusing to be kept down by this disease, I was but a ghost of my former self. I still had little to say in the way of weight gain. However, I got enough nutrition that my hair grew back in (curly!). It was a small victory, in what seemed to be a losing battle, that consisted of five more surgeries on anal fistulas. These fistulas were what, after a year and a half of struggling, made my doctors came back to the conclusion that I had Crohn's. Whatever disease it was, it was winning. And then in March 2008, my life changed when my mom found a website for a diet called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (the SCD). This diet eliminates all polysaccharides from your diet, which include things like: wheat/gluten, milk and soft cheese, sugar (or any sweetener except honey), starches (corn, potatoes), and preservatives. After reading the site at first, I thought to myself: "what is left to eat?!" Which is the same comment I get from most the people to whom I explain the diet. Despite my doubts, with MUCH support and urging from my mom, I started the diet. Three years later, I continue to follow the diet and am a healthy 115 pounds! Everyone says I look good/healthy. I've learned the best way to get compliments on your looks, is just to get really sick and look really crappy for about a year, and then when you start to return to health, everyone thinks you look great. Seriously though, the diet has made a great difference in my life. I would highly recommend it to those who want freedom from their disease. Do I still struggle? Yes. But that is because my j-pouch never really has worked the way it is supposed to. In addition, because of all the surgeries I had, I have sphincter muscle damage that means I a) don't always have control of my bowels and b) am constantly leaking a small amount of stool. But, I am so far from where I have been that I will take these continuing struggles. There are still good days and bad days. But to be able to go for runs again (on my good days), to be able to work, to be oh so happily married (as of this past June 25th!!), to be able to have the strength to want to live, is one of the greatest victories of my life. This diet has helped me gain back my life. Though still under the influence of the disease, thanks to the Specific Carbohyrdate Diet, and much thanks to all the support of my friends, family, and husband, I am able to enjoy life much more than I could just three short years ago. 

And so that's my story. Ya da ya da ya da. I didn't really know that all that was going to come out this first post. I promise my later entries won't be so long-winded! And I hope that future posts will help those of you out there struggling to find your own way to help win the battle against Crohn's. Or Ulcerative Colitis. Whatever it is that we have.

My husband and I

06.25.11