This afternoon, as I was finishing up lunch, I had a bit of a sweet craving. My go to is a spoonful of peanut butter with some honey drizzled on top (I'm convinced there does not exist a more satisfying sweet snack), but feeling a bit full I went for some raisins instead. As I reached for the bag, I had to laugh that my after meal sweet snack is something as healthy as raisins. Which then led me to have the thought, "I wonder how different my life would be if I had never gotten so ill with Crohn's." The most obvious answer to that is that I would still have a colon. There are other differences too: I would be able to run without the use of codeine, I could eat whatever I want (not sure that's better but it is different), I wouldn't know the location of every bathroom in every city I've been to, and I would probably be able to sleep through the night. Yet as I munched on my raisins, I was reminded that there is another way that my life is different that far outranks any other: I am married to my husband. While I won't take the time here to tell that long
story, I will say that my illness continues to refine me, grow me up, and help shape me into a stronger, wiser, more patient person (on my good days that is). And though my husband and I dated two other times before I got sick (B.C.... before Crohn's) - once in high school and once in college - it wasn't until A.C. (after Crohn's) that we realized that we had grown into two people who undoubtedly wanted to share their life together. I wouldn't necessarily say that I have a reason for all the sickness, the surgeries, the loss of my hair, the loss of a third of my body weight, but I will say that I wouldn't want my life any other way. Because my husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me and continues to be the most important thing in my life. He gives me strength, he gives me perspective, and he continues to hope for me when things are tough. Which for the last couple months, things have been tough. Yet he never waivers in his optimism and his belief that we'll get through this. And he's always right. With him, I am convinced that we can endure anything. As we do, I know we grow stronger. But more importantly, I know that we grow stronger together. And that is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.