Veggie Burgers...that my husband ate!

We reached a major milestone today. I created a paleo/scd-safe veggie burger... that my husband ate! You have to understand that my husband does not eat vegetables. Well, he does eat green beans and carrots. But that's as far as it goes. So when I added veggie burgers to the weekly menu, he was less than thrilled. However, to his credit, I must say that he not only tried the veggie burger, but he also finished it. 

The biggest challenge I had in finding a veggie burger recipe was one that  would work for both my j-pouch (no beans) and my scd/paleo diet (no soy or corn). So I combined ideas from Paleo blogs including Gluten Free Happy Tummy and the Preppy Paleo. Often when I'm in the kitchen trying new recipes, I often say "Well, this could be one of my worst yet!" (Thanks Dad for the Eeyore-type outlook). And usually it turns out quite delicious. So tonight when I said something of similar ilk, my husband just laughed. Turns out he was right: these were delicious! So with no further ado... 

Sweet Veggie Burgers 
1/2 cauliflower head
1 zucchini 
2 small carrots
1 pepper of your choice (I used orange since I like their sweetness)
1 cup of cooked butternut squash
1 cup of sugar snap peas
1/2 small onion
1 garlic clove
1 TBS olive oil
1 egg
1/4 cup almond flour 
1 TBS Dijon mustard (SCD-legal)

1) Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Combine all the vegetables in the food processor until minced. You don't want them too soupy, so I used the pulse option. You may need to do these in batches. I chopped all the veggies first (coarsely since they were going into the food processor) and added them to a bowl as I went, then minced them in batches in the food processor. 

2) As Gluten Free Happy Tummy says, this next step is vital: using a kitchen towel (if you don't mind it getting stained) or paper towels, squeeze out as much liquid from the veggie mix as possible.

3) Put the minced and drained vegetables in a large bowl then add the egg, almond flour, tablespoon of olive oil, and mustard and mix well. Do not add salt as this would cause the moisture to release from the veggies.

4) Form the veggie mix into 8 patties (about 1/2 cup scoop of mixture for each burger). Try and form them into compact burgers. 

5) Mist with olive oil and bake for 40 minutes at 400 degrees Fahreinheit. 

In making this a whole meal (as I like to do around here), might I suggest the following: 

Serve along side kale chips and orange soda (seltzer water and Tropicana orange juice).  I topped my burger with some SCD-legal mayo, mustard, tomato slices, and dairy-free pesto. For Paleo-ites, some sweet potato fries would also be a nice addition. You'll never miss the meat!

Tis the season... for cookies!

Happy holidays everyone! With tree decorating and Nat King Cole playing in the background, it is officially Christmas season (however unreflected that is in my shopping list!). In honor of the season I thought it my duty to bake some cookies. So I set out in search of Christmas cookies. I found some recipes I had tried before, but kept looking for something more novel. Finally, I settled on this recipe from Fed & Fit. They looked like a hearty and delicious cookie that would fit the snowy day we're having here in New England.  Because I don't currently eat chocolate, I replaced the chocolate chips with raisins, which turned out well. However, I did find that before I even baked them, the cookies were a bit chewy. After baking, they came out even more tough. Any suggestions? Was it because I replaced the chocolate with raisins? Please reply in the comments section if you have an idea. I would also recommend shortening the cooking time with the raisins down to 10-12 minutes. So, here's what I ended up with: 

Raisin Walnut Cookies
3 cups sifted almond flour
1 cup raisins
1 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 tsp Kosher salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/3 cup honey
2 Tbsp. Virgin Coconut Oil, melted
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 egg

Mix dry ingredients in a bowl, then in a separate bowl melt the coconut oil. Add the honey, egg, and vanilla and whisk together. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and bake at 350 F for 10-12 minutes. I baked them on a Silpat sheet liner, but parchment paper would work as well. 

Serve up with a cold glass of almond milk and enjoy!

* * *

Merry Christmas to all! 

All things pumpkin!

Hi all! Here in Maine it officially feels like winter. Though we had a blissful 60 degree day last weekend, the temperature in the morning has been hovering around 30 degrees. So, it's time to heat up those ovens for some tasty fall treats. This week, it has been all things pumpkin for me. I found a local farm that had pie pumpkins (after my local grocer laughed at me when I asked if he had any), so I went to work roasting and scooping. From the one pumpkin I have thus far made:

• Coconut Pumpkin smoothie: such a yummy way to start off the day (recipe below)

• Pumpkin muffins: a trusty mid-morning go-to, especially toasted with a touch of butter (recipe below)

• Pumpkin cookies: a treat from our friend over at All Against Grain

• "Pepitas" (pumpkin seeds): another All Against Grain creation, though I may try mine just salted with my next pumpkin (oh yes, more to come!)

• Pumpkin Bread: a new recipe for me, adapted from an scdrecipe.com banana bread recipe.

• Pumpkin doughnuts: Brilliant concoction from the All Against Grain new cookbook. If there is one recipe that convinces you to buy her cookbook, this one should be it. Check it out on her site! Her photos are much more appealing, but here is how mine came out. 
 

Coconut Pumpkin Smoothie
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 banana
1/4 c. pumpkin
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon each of: ginger, nutmeg, and cloves

1) Blend all ingredients together in blender. Add ice before blending if desired.

Note: To help with my J-Pouch, I melt about 1 Tbs. coconut oil and add that in as well. It does wonders for me!



Pumpkin muffins
2 1/2 cups almond flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. each nutmeg, allspice, cloves, and ginger
1/4 c. honey
1 Tbsp pure vanilla extract
3 large eggs
1 cup of fresh pumpkin (squeezed to remove excess water)

1) Preheat oven to 325 degrees F and line muffin tin with baking cups.

2) Mix the dry ingredients and in a separate bowl mix wet ingredients (except the pumpkin). 

3) Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet, whisking together until smooth. 

4) Add the pumpkin to the mixture and mix until smooth. 

5) Fill muffin cups about 2/3 full and bake 25-30 minutes. Muffins should be golden brown on top when done. 

These are especially enjoyed toasted!



Pumpkin Bread
2 1/2 cups almond flour
1 Tbsp coconut flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/3 c. honey
3 eggs
1 cup of pumpkin (with excess water squeezed out)

1) Heat oven to 350 degrees F (180 C). Line a bread loaf pan with parchment paper (or you can use coconut oil to grease it, but make sure it is well greased!)

2) Mix dry ingredients and sift together. 

3) Mix wet ingredients in separate bowl, beating eggs by hand before adding the other ingredients. 

4) Blend dry ingredients into the wet ingredients using a stand mixer or hand mixer (I have only used the hand mixer as our apartment is too small for a stand mixer!).

5) Pour mixture into bread pan and cover with tinfoil. 

6) Bake bread for 20 minutes covered, then remove the tinfoil and bake for another 40-45 minutes with it uncovered. A toothpick should come out clean when it is baked fully. 

Another great recipe to toast up!   

What pumpkin treats are you whipping up this fall? 
Please share in the comments below! 

Fall feast

It is that wonderful time of the year: harvest time. Summer fruits and vegetables give way to autumn's bounty: squash, pumpkin, apples, and pears. Oh my! New England boasts a beautiful fall and these  recipes make use of fall's produce (all local) to put together a fall feast. Here is the menu:

• Roasted squash soup
• Baked pork chops with apples
• Apple pie

Roasted Squash Soup

I have made this soup many times, but with a few tweaks this year it turned out fantastic. I upped the onion and garlic that I normally put in and also added some homemade chicken broth. For those of you following SCD, please check out this site about how to make homemade chicken broth over at Mrs. Ed's site.


Ingredients

1 butternut squash, cut lengthwise
1 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
4 garlic gloves
½ tsp salt
½ tsp oregano
½ tsp basil
½ tsp black pepper
½ tsp cinnamon
3 cups water
1 cup chicken broth
4 Tbsp honey


Steps
Preheat oven to 375.

Place the 3 squash halves cut-side down in a casserole dish.

Pour in enough water to cover the bottom of the dish.

Bake 45-60 minutes or until squash pieces feel a bit soft when you press on them.

Remove the squash from oven. When cool enough to handle, remove and discard seeds.

Scoop out the squash and set aside.

In a large pot over medium heat, melt the butter with the oil. Add the onion and cook for about 5 minutes until the onion is translucent. Add the garlic.

Add the squash, salt, oregano, basil, pepper, cinnamon, and water, and simmer for 20 minutes on medium heat with the lid of the pot ajar. Stir occasionally.

Remove the lid from the pot and cook for 8 to 10 more minutes.

Add the honey and mix well.

Cool for 10 minutes. Purée until smooth.

**You may want to add more water to taste. Also, try whipping a batch of these dinner rolls from All Against Grain. Delicious! Isn't she amazing?!

Baked Pork Chops with Apples

I don't follow an exact recipe for this dish, so I don't know where I originally found it. There are many out on the web, but here is our version that we're serving up tonight with some faux-rice and green beans. 

Ingredients

3-4 pork chops 

cinnamon

salt

pepper

1/2 medium onion

4 medium apples 

olive oil

Preheat oven to 350. 

Pour salt, pepper, and cinnamon on a flat plate to taste. Mix with a fork then press pork chops into mixture. Lay into baking dish. 

Dice 4 apples and onion into 1" each pieces.  Put into a bowl and pour about 1 tsp of olive oil over the apples. Then sprinkle salt, pepper, and cinnamon over the apples. Mix to coat the apples. Place them around and over the pork in the baking dish. 

Cook for 30 minutes.

Apple Pie

There is something so comforting about apple pie. The smell of it in the oven brings back memories from being in my grandmother's kitchen at Thanksgiving. Though Gram has passed on, my sister carries on the tradition of making a killer apple pie each year. Though this recipe cannot hold a candle to my sister's baking, it hit the spot for me! Try it warmed with some of All Against Grain's french vanilla coconut ice cream.

Ingredients

Crust 

• 2 1/2 cups almond flour 
• 1 Tbs. coconut flour
• 2 Tbs. coconut oil
• 1 egg
• 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda

Filling from Ancestral Chef

• 5 medium-sized apples, peeled and diced (granny smith or honeycrisp)
• 4 tablespoons coconut oil
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1 tablespoon coconut flour
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon cloves
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1) Preheat oven to 350.

2) To mix the crust, mix dry ingredients and sift together. Then add the coconut oil (not melted worked for me) and egg and work it into the dry mix. Combine until it forms a ball.

3) Roll out the crust between two sheets of parchment paper. Place half of it in pie plate and cook in the oven for 10-12 minutes or until browned. Leave the other half cooling in the fridge for the top of the pie.

3)  For the filling, melt the coconut oil in a pot over medium.

4) Add the honey and stir together. Then add the apples and spices. Stir the mixture to cover the apples with the oil, honey and spices.

5) Add in the coconut flour and mix well.

6) Add the vanilla extract and turn off the heat. Leave it to cool for 10 minutes.

7) Once filling has cooled, add to crust and then cover with the leftover crust from the fridge. If you want to make it look cool, use a fork to crimp the edges together. Make sure that they are sealed first, or some of the filling may leak out.

8) Bake for 25 minutes.

Enjoy! And give thanks for all the delicious foods that autumn brings to our bellies!

Pizza Time

"What's better, a medium amount of good pizza or all you can eat of pretty good pizza?"- Michael Scott

Any Michael Scott fans out there? I would have to go with a medium amount of good pizza. Last night, I created what I believe to be good SCD pizza. There is something so satisfying about pizza. I can remember many a Friday night, mom would make homemade pizza dough, we'd top it with cheese, hamburger, or olives,  and serve it up along with carrot sticks and a "treat" of diet Coke. I loved not only the routine in that meal, but also the way we all sat around the table talking about our days. I have so much to learn from my mother!

So obviously even homemade pizza dough is full of illegal ingredients, so I wanted to find a pizza dough that was hearty enough to replace the crust of my childhood. For the first two years of being on the diet, I used the recipe in Elaine's book "Breaking the Viscious Cycle" (if you don't have this already and are following the SCD diet, please consider buying it, as it was a godsend to me when I first started!). Then, one day I ran across this recipe from the blog Heal-Balance-Live. Not only does it crisp up nicely, but it also holds together well.

One of the great things about pizza is the array of toppings to choose from. When I first started making this pizza, I would top it with Havarti cheese, grilled chicken, SCD-safe black olives, or hamburger. Now, since I am trying to limit my intake of cheese (yes, I do use the Parmesan in the crust), I have tried chicken and pesto pizza, which was delicious. I also most recently tried topping it with homemade pizza sauce, prosciutto, broccoli, and grated Parmesan. It was equally delicious. What toppings do you like to add to your pizza?

Cheers!

Summer eats: pulled pork and more!

I always look forward to summer time. Not just because of the nice weather or being on school vacation, but also because of all the cooking I can do with my free time. Though I use this time to explore new recipes, there are some summer classics I look forward to all year. For example, blueberry pie (made with hand-picked Maine blueberries of course). Then, there is what I consider foods that I borrow from our neighbors from the south, which will make up our menu for this meal:

•  pulled pork
• cornbread 
• coleslaw
• baked beans

Pulled pork: this recipe I adapted from a few different places. But since I forgot to write the final compilation down, I'm posting a recipe from Turtle Soup. The only change I made to the recipe was that I put the dry rub on first, before putting it in the crock pot. For a fun variation, I have used that dry rub and then put SCD legal BBQ sauce and diet root beer in the crock pot for 4-6 hours. It adds a sweeter touch.


For the cornbread, I have used the recipe from austinscdfriends.com for the past two years. Topped with a little butter and honey, it melts on your tongue. Before serving, I like to toast it to give it a bit more crunch. The recipe is called Mock Cornbread and it is worth every second it takes to make it.

Right about the time we turn the calendar to the month of July, I start craving some serious coleslaw. I am a friend to all things vinegar, and this Creamy Coleslaw recipe from the Comfy Belly site satisfies that craving just perfectly. The only modification I made was to buy a coleslaw mix that is local from the supermarket, rather than chop up the cabbage. My mother-in-law continued snacking on the slaw even as we were cleaning up from the meal!

Finally, what would a pulled pork recipe be without some baked beans. Being from New England, my family takes pride in their homemade baked beans recipe. And each August, my family would pack up and drive the three hours north to our rustic cabin on an island in the North Woods, about a half hour boat/car ride from my grandparents' house. Without fail, at least once during our week at camp,  I would hear the boat coming across the lake, and as it rounded the point, would see my grandparents and and the cooler that contained gram's hot baked beans and oatmeal rolls. Even after Gram died of cancer, Gramps took up the baking of the beans in the same pot. Since I no longer can partake in these due to the illegality of molasses among others, I set out to find a replacement for Gram's baked beans. I have tried three different recipes, and the one that I most resembles the baked beans of my childhood comes from the scdrecipe blog. I do add a few other spices that I borrowed from Gram's beans including: 1 tsp allspice, 1 bay leaf, and a clove of garlic.

I hope you enjoy these summer eats as much as I did. Cheers to the chefs who came up with such delicious eats all SCD friendly (or "BFF": Becca Friendly Foods).

A realization, a new direction

So it has been over a year since I last posted. I know, shame on me. Yet as I sat here planning out our family vacation menu, I had a realization. As much as I would like it to, this blog will never contain hundreds of recipes that I have created. You see, I LOVE to cook. But, I am not the type of cook who can brilliantly marry foods together to create delicious dishes. No, I would describe myself more as a borrower. If you're reading this blog hoping to discover newly minted recipes, you will be disappointed. Because during my sabbatical from blogging, I have realized that instead, this site will serve to pull a full meal together, by organizing the recipes that I use from various websites, blogs, and cookbooks in order to create a full meal. When I cook, sometimes I feel as though my two open cookbooks and my iPad with a recipe from a website take up more of my counter space than the actual meal prep. I hope to eliminate that problem with this blog.  All recipes, of course, fall under the umbrella of the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. So if you too lack the creative genius (or time!) like myself, please allow me to assist you in creating delicious, SCD-safe meals. Hope to see you back soon!

Meatloaf!

Who doesn't like a good meatloaf? Okay, well there are actually quite a few people who probably wouldn't. BUT, if you are looking for a SCD-friendly version, I have used this one a few times with great success. Even my picky eater husband likes it. And, if you want to avoid red meat, I think the recipe would still turn out tasty if you used turkey meat instead.

Meatloaf

1 lb ground beef
1 egg
1 clove garlic (I used Spice World's minced garlic)
1 T. cilantro or Italian parsley
2-3 oz. of shredded cheddar cheese
handful of almond flour (about 1/4 c. or so)
salt and pepper to taste


1) Preheat oven to about 375 degrees F
2) Mix ingredients and place in greased loaf pan
3) Cook for about 45 min to an hour


I serve it with SCD ketchup on top and with potatoes for non-SCDers and "fauxtatoes" (mashed cauliflower) for SCDers. I can't remember which ketchup recipe I use, so here are some links to some options (I think I used the one from Jilluck):


SCD recipe.com's version
The SCD girl
Comfy Tummy
Dietary Adventures of Jilluck

Snow day!

For those of you not familiar with New England weather, there is a saying that sums it up brilliantly: "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes." Well, today on the first day of March we got our second snow day of the year. I don't think students realize that their teachers celebrate snow days as much as they do, if not more. In honor of hunkering down to wait out the storm, I decided to make pancakes. Growing up, our family would often start off a Saturday with pancakes and bacon or eggs. So needless to say, I have always been a breakfast person. One of my greatest cravings still after 3 years on SCD, is cereal. Pancakes would also be on that list if it weren't for a recipe I have found that is a brilliant substitute. The recipe comes from scdrecipe.com which is one of my favorite sites to get new recipes from. This morning I added fresh raspberries and a simple syrup (half honey, half water). Delicious.

Yazmin's Pancakes (with slight modifications)
1 cup almond flour
1 egg
3 Tablespoons SCD yogurt
1/4 t. baking soda (although mine was more like 1/3 t.)
1/4 t. salt (or a bit less to taste)
raspberries (any fruit will work... I like banana and pecans, or blueberries)

syrup
1/4 c. water
1/4 c. syrup

Mix ingredients and pour  batter onto a greased electric griddle. I cooked them on a low temp of about 300 F.  If using a stove, I would set it on a medium-low temp otherwise they burn too easy. Serve with syrup and/or a dollop of SCD yogurt.

Cereal!

So one of the few cravings that has endured since becoming a SCDer, is the lack of a good cereal substitutes. Last week, I finally found an adequate equivalent. Part of the problem was that there are few things allowed on SCD that could take the place of the crunchy grains used in most cereals. But, with the help of an absolutely delicious SCD granola I found through Digestive Wellness, which I had been using on my yogurt, I was on my way to a crunchy and delicious SCD cereal.  I had never thought to use the granola as a cereal, mostly because I never had a substitute for milk. I had been meaning to make almond milk for a long time, but had never gotten around to it. My first attempt occurred last week, since I was off from school for the holidays. It is a bit of a laborious process, but with a good food processor, not as difficult as I had expected. The recipe I used for almond milk was from the website www.ohnuts.com. Here it is:

Almond Milk Recipe
yield: about 5 cups almond milk

• 1.5 cups whole blanched almonds or other whole raw almonds
• 4 cups water
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1.5 tbsp maple syrup or honey
• dash cinnamon

Other equipment:

• Blender
• metal strainer
• cheesecloth

Not sure I got 5 cups of milk out of it, but close to it. But I digress. Back to the cereal portion of this post. Once I had my almond milk (you will want to chill it before serving), I poured it over my granola, added some sliced almonds, a dash of cinnamon, raisins, and a drizzle of honey and ... drum roll please.... ta da! Cereal. Delicious cereal. Oh how I've missed you.

Oh sweet SCD cereal!

Do you have cereal ideas for us SCDers? Please share!

White Bean chili a la SCD

Over the past month or so, I have been working on emptying our overflowing freezer. Two weeks ago, I found some cooked white beans that I had frozen a couple months ago. Our friends were serving chili at our community dinner, so I decided it might be a good time to try some white bean chili. With some improvising on the fly, it turned out pretty good. Unfortunately I did not write down the specific improvisations, but here's a close approximation. The original recipe came from myrecipes.com. 

Ingredients: 

1 medium onion

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 garlic cloves (I used SCD legal minced garlic from Spice World)

1 lb ground chicken

4 cups water

1-2 teaspoons salt (I'm a bit of a salt fiend)

2 teaspoons ground cumin

2 tablespoons chili powder (to taste)

1 teaspoon pepper

1 teaspoon oregano

2 cups white beans (cooked per Breaking the Vicious Cycle instructions)

1 cup homemade chicken broth

3 tablespoons lime juice

Preparation

• Sauté chopped onion in hot oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat 7 minutes; add garlic, and sauté 2 to 3 minutes.
• Stir in chicken, and cook, stirring constantly, until chicken is lightly browned. Stir in water and salt, cumin, chili powder, pepper, and oregano; reduce heat, and simmer, stirring often, 10 minutes or until chicken is done.
• Place beans into Dutch oven; bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat, and simmer, stirring often, 30 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Stir in lime juice just before serving. Garnish with cilanto, if desired.
• Top with freshly shredded Monterrey jack cheese. 
• Optional: I cooked some frozen corn on the side and added that to the non-SCDers bowls. I  served corn muffins and tortilla chips for them along with the chili. I had made some SCD muffins to go along with mine. Also, the recipe calls for 2 cans of green chiles (4.5 ounces each) but I omitted these as well just because I didn't have any legal ones on hand.

It's a great dish for the increasingly cold nights! 

Breakfast Goodness

This morning I was craving pancakes. What's better than fluffy pancakes on a Saturday morning? Well actually, probably fluffy pancakes and bacon (who can resist that sweet and salty combination?!). But, since I had already enjoyed some bacon earlier in the week, it would just have to be pancakes. I have tried a few versions of SCD pancakes, but I really enjoy a recipe from scdrecipe.com that is called "Yazmin's Pancakes." To add a bit more flavor to the pancakes, I decided to add some banana, pecans, and cinnamon. Yum! With some warm simple syrup (equal parts water and honey) on top, I was in heaven. A dollop of SCD yogurt would be a great topping too, but I went with peanut butter (we'll get to my peanut butter and honey addiction later). Delicious! I was in pancake heaven. A great way to start the day. So, here's the recipe in case you want to try some yourself:

1 cup almond flour
1 egg
2 tablespoons honey
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 tablespoons yoghurt
butter for frying  

*optional: 

1 banana, sliced

whole pecans

1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon

Much thanks to my husband for mixing up the batter which allowed me to get in a much needed run!

My Story... Ya da ya da ya da

So, I didn't think I would be that person who starts off their blog by talking about themselves. I mean, really? Isn't that a bit narcissistic? However, upon further reflection, I realized that blogging is... well, intended to be a bit narcissistic. Hopefully though, eventually this blog will develop more into a helpful place for those struggling to navigate the rough waters of IBDs. For those of you fully-intact "gastrointestinal people" who are not familiar with what IBD stands for, it is this: Irritable Bowel Disease, such as Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis. The problem is, these two guys are not "pretty" diseases to talk about. It's not often that topics such as poop, diarrhea, and blow outs come up in everyday conversation (unless you're a mother or father of small children, in which case they might). So many people still don't know exactly what they are. Case in point: Crohn's and Ulcerative are not in any of the spell checkers in the various programs I use. Maybe someday. Until then, we IBDers (as I will from here after call ourselves) need to continue to develop awareness of our diseases, as well as support systems, which help us get through the bad days. Because there can be very bad days when you have IBD. Let me tell you a little about when my bad days started... 

I can still remember the date I was initially admitted to the hospital: September 14th, 2006. For me, Crohn's attacked my body quickly and severely. About a month earlier than my admittance date, I had started having to go to the bathroom a lot. And then a couple weeks later came the stomach pains. Never in my life have I felt such pain. It was crippling. Because I work as a teacher, I could not just leave a classroom full of middle school students. So the pain would become so unbearable that when I got a break, I would go into the bathroom, throw up, then lie in a ball on the floor. Not exactly a good sign. My doctor had prescribed me Asacol (for those of you Crohners out there, I'm sure that's a familiar starting place). This was a low-dose steroid that often helps mild forms of Crohn's. Even after a colonoscopy (lucky me! I didn't have to wait until I was 50 years old for my first one), my doctor diagnosed my case of Crohn's as mild to moderate. Two weeks later, he admitted me to the hospital. From September 14th until the week before Thanksgiving, I was in and out of the hospital - though mostly in. They tried everything, but not to much avail. My case got to the point where I landed in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for three days because my body had gone into shock. The colorectal surgeon was called in, but my GI (Gastroenterologist) held the surgeon at bay... for then anyway. They were afraid of my colon becoming so toxic that it would burst and send those toxins into my system. I'm sure I would have been more worried about it too if I'd had more energy or had been more with it. I don't remember much from those ICU days, just the cool clogs that my nurses had. Let me just pause a moment to give a shout out to ICU nurses. They are incredible. Best caregivers I had in all my time in and out of hospitals (well beside my mom of course, but we'll get to her later). Like I said in the title to this post, ya da ya da ya da (any Seinfeld fans out there?). Finally, the day came when a colorectal surgeon came to talk to me about the possibility of having my colon removed. This scared both me and my parents, and that conversation, along with some not so great experiences at the hospital, sent us down to Boston for a second opinion. That was the only time I have ridden in an ambulance. Too bad I wasn't really able to enjoy it. At that point, I was in such pain and had lost so much weight, that the jostling of the vehicle made things quite uncomfortable. I remember seeing the lights of the highway pass by.... whoosh..... whoosh.... whoosh. Let's just say that painkillers can do funny things to your perception of the world.

When we arrived in Boston, I had another colonoscopy. The same results: surgery recommended. So, within two to three days, I had my entire colon removed and was given scars, an ostomy bag, as well as a stoma. This meant that any stool would bypass my rectum (I told you it wasn't a pretty disease to talk about) and come out the side of my abdomen through what I nicknamed "Stella the Stoma" and into the plastic bag attached to me 24-7. Let's just say that Stella and I never became great friends. Actually, it was more the ostomy bag than Stella. My team of caregivers, including myself, my mom, my ostomy nurse, and my doctors never could find a successful way to make the ostomy bag stay adhered to my stomach. Just recently I found out that it is because my skin reacts to adhesives. Not a great thing when you need a bag to stick to you so you can "poop." Along with the adhesive problem, I never found clothes that really worked with the ostomy bag. Fortunately, I had the bag during the winter in Maine, so I just wore lots of layers, but I never found what the nurses had told me to be true: that you can wear your normal clothes after your surgery, and that the ostomy bag wouldn't affect your wardrobe. Thus, I entered the darkest part of my life. I wanted to die. Despite my doctors saying I had UC (Ulcerative Colitis) and that I would be able to have a reversal surgery which meant the end of Stella, my intuition told me otherwise. Which I knew if I was right about  having Crohn's, would mean no reversal surgery and the eternal presence of Stella attached to my side. Here are my memories from this time of my life: eating tomato soup and grilled with my then four-year old niece that my sister made for me; raising my hands in victory when I was able to walk to the mailbox and back; walking the mall with my dad (who would reward me - and himself- with some Cinnabon); filing endless amount of health inurance papers and medical bills; visits with my ostomy nurse who was at the end of her rope trying to get that bag to stick to me; the long process of trying to shower while keeping the ostomy bag dry; losing my hair; drinking shakes with Cod Liver oil; crying myself to sleep; crying on the couch; crying when I tried to walk into church for the first time so overwhelmed with the sight of people; crying. I felt I had lost myself to my disease and to this bag that never seemed to work for me. A once active athlete, I found that I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I wasn't strong enough to do anything but walk. I couldn't work. Just lots of time to think - not a great thing for those who are depressed. In the end, I never was able to fully accept my ostomy bag, we never made peace with each other. Maybe it is because I'm a rather petite person, or maybe because of the placement of the bag. Or maybe it was because the pathologist had diagnosed me as having Ulcerative Colitis rather than Crohn's which meant, that I could have an internal pouch surgery, which I wouldn't have been able to have if I had Crohn's. I clung to that hope like a lifepresever, despite my misgivings. 

So over the course of another year or so, I had two more operations which took part of my small intestine and formed a j-pouch, which would act as my substitute rectum. Even for some whose surgery goes perfectly, this procedure does not mean a return to normal bathroom habits. Actually, surgeons consider it a success when a j-pouch patient only goes bathroom (we're talking #2) four to six times a day. For me, I never got down to four to six times a day. For the next year, as I battled back from being a malnourished 84 pound waif, symptoms of Crohn's (which supposedly I didn't have) continued to plague me. I was going the bathroom 10-12 times a day, I had painful fistulas, and I couldn't gain weight, despite downing one or two shakes full of nutritional supplements and fats each day. Though I had returned to teaching, refusing to be kept down by this disease, I was but a ghost of my former self. I still had little to say in the way of weight gain. However, I got enough nutrition that my hair grew back in (curly!). It was a small victory, in what seemed to be a losing battle, that consisted of five more surgeries on anal fistulas. These fistulas were what, after a year and a half of struggling, made my doctors came back to the conclusion that I had Crohn's. Whatever disease it was, it was winning. And then in March 2008, my life changed when my mom found a website for a diet called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (the SCD). This diet eliminates all polysaccharides from your diet, which include things like: wheat/gluten, milk and soft cheese, sugar (or any sweetener except honey), starches (corn, potatoes), and preservatives. After reading the site at first, I thought to myself: "what is left to eat?!" Which is the same comment I get from most the people to whom I explain the diet. Despite my doubts, with MUCH support and urging from my mom, I started the diet. Three years later, I continue to follow the diet and am a healthy 115 pounds! Everyone says I look good/healthy. I've learned the best way to get compliments on your looks, is just to get really sick and look really crappy for about a year, and then when you start to return to health, everyone thinks you look great. Seriously though, the diet has made a great difference in my life. I would highly recommend it to those who want freedom from their disease. Do I still struggle? Yes. But that is because my j-pouch never really has worked the way it is supposed to. In addition, because of all the surgeries I had, I have sphincter muscle damage that means I a) don't always have control of my bowels and b) am constantly leaking a small amount of stool. But, I am so far from where I have been that I will take these continuing struggles. There are still good days and bad days. But to be able to go for runs again (on my good days), to be able to work, to be oh so happily married (as of this past June 25th!!), to be able to have the strength to want to live, is one of the greatest victories of my life. This diet has helped me gain back my life. Though still under the influence of the disease, thanks to the Specific Carbohyrdate Diet, and much thanks to all the support of my friends, family, and husband, I am able to enjoy life much more than I could just three short years ago. 

And so that's my story. Ya da ya da ya da. I didn't really know that all that was going to come out this first post. I promise my later entries won't be so long-winded! And I hope that future posts will help those of you out there struggling to find your own way to help win the battle against Crohn's. Or Ulcerative Colitis. Whatever it is that we have.

My husband and I

06.25.11